My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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