I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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