its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
