just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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