I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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