Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
