The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would fuck him just for his dog
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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