I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
