you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
