i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
