she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
