then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize