And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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