I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
