i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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