Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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