There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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