You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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