you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The best revenge is premature balding
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
