You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
