i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the day after is always just damage control
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
