I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
