I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
