Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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