I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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