I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
