Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
being pregnant is like rehab
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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