he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
