i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
