He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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