Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
