is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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