im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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