Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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