Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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