ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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