He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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