is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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