just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Someone shit on the floor
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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