just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize