everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
