Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
