he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
