If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
