Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
