she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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