After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
