Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
