Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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