im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
