hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
