I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
420 ftw
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize