Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
