I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
