I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
