Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
