So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize