bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
