Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
