a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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