the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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