Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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