You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My feet surprised me
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