Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize